The value of great sex in a relationship is like gold. The value of being happily addicted to the satisfactory sex in your marriage is not like gold, but like silver + gold + platinum. Today while poking around, I read a great article @ MSNBC : Myths about passion in the bedroom

Rekindling desire is virtually impossible once it dies. Rekindling sexual desire is not a snap, but it certainly is doable if you address it directly. Most couples have to rekindle sex, because sexual boredom is virtually certain due to the way sex operates in long-term relationships. Once couples rule out everything that makes them nervous, they do whatever is left over. Years of “leftovers� makes sex boring. However, sexual novelty is only introduced by one partner suggesting something new that the other isn’t completely comfortable doing.

Drs. David Schnarch and Ruth Morehouse have been addressing these kinds of problems for years.  What they said was clear as mud but another way of saying it is that a fear to explore new things that would heighten the chemistry and excitement of sex will ultimately, over time, devalue the sex to a point of non-interest.  They aren’t Christian specialists I know but the rules apply to Christians as well.

The issue of compatibility really makes things more difficult for Christian marriages to reach the point of sex that’s worth getting addicted to. Of all the mistakes a person might see being made in average relationships, the biggest is probably chosing a partner who is incompatible sexually.  Unlike most relationships, the challenge for Christian relationships is to abstain from sex until Marriage; so you really have no idea of what to expect from sex, until marriage.  It’s almost like, if you made a bad pick – you’re stuck with it.  Then there are some who want to get spiritual and say they were guided by God, or the Spirit led them to this person, or they prayed about it for months. Christians find it easy to act on and pursue personal lusts by justifying the acts with falsely manipulated spirituality that works to the advantage of their lusts. It’s important to know when God is speaking on a matter that’s close to your heart and your self-conscious is the one talking to you, even though you may interpret it as being God’s voice.

Far too often people get married without asking a “What does sex mean to you?” question. Not knowing the answer will cause rippling effects later in the marriage. Having a fufilling sex life is one of the greatest benefits of being a human; especially when you consider the many different ways and the many different types / kinds / positions of sex you can have. But in order to have good sex, sex that’s outrageously addictive, you need a partner who likes sex enough to improve and adapt new techniques when necessary.

No, both of you don’t have to like every single little detail about sex. But if you are the person who appreciates the value of beautiful sex and your partner only shows interest in a quick orgasm, then you will fight an uphill battle. Getting past that point is hard enough for most marriages and it’s harder for Christian marriages.

Questions:

• What’s the big deal about sex?
• Why should I be extremely great at sex?
• Why does my spouse get mad at me when we don’t have sex?
• Why should I have sex more often?
• How long should we have sex?
• Why doesn’t the bible answer all my questions about sex?

Some nights you’ll be the partner who’s begging for sex and other nights it’s your spouse who’s addicted. It’s addictive when you’re not just having sex, but you’re connected to each other mentally and physically. You’re both thinking about sex and the movements and how good it feels in the present time. Sex that’s addictive usually has a few characteristic traits you can recognize while you’re having sex:

• Your partner shows equal or more interest in the sex
• Your partner moves their body in a rhythym with yours
• You change positions smoothly without effort or thought
• There is no concern of how long it will last

The only way to accomplish these goals is to first mine effective open communication outside of the bedroom when sex isn’t even a thought, then uncover the fears of exploring new territory and the hidden reasons associated with those fears.  For instance, if you like for your spouse to rub your feet during sex and you know that it turns you on to the 10th degree – let your spouse know outside of the bedroom that you like it and reinforce that fact by mentioning it politely during sex.  It may be uncomfortable at first but once you get the the hang of it you will accomplish two very important things.

1. You are actively using open communication to your advantage – INSIDE the bedroom
2. You are giving your spouse POWER by letting them know what ‘hot-buttons’ work the best. Certainly an ego booster.  Everyone wants to be in control sometimes

Remember this is and all will be well!

This entry was posted on Monday, October 16th, 2006 at 8:52 am and is filed under Power Of Sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.